Oh glorious, glorious spring! Today, I flung my window open to enjoy the crisp and cool early morning spring breeze. I tossed out several mounds of hibernating clutter and scrubbed the kitchen until it was sparkly clean. I even went to put some new shells into my hermit-crabarium... and discovered something ABSOLUTELY TERRIBLE.
George the Third, my biggest and most prominent hermit crab, had died a terrible and agonizing death.
I spotted the telltale signs a mile away.
Clue 1: His upside down body was lifeless next to the food dish.
Clue 2: His crabby claws lay scattered around the tank.
Clue 3: Fred, the other hermit crab, was running around with his unused shell.
Poor George III. As the knowledge of losing him chinked away little pieces of my heart, I knew I couldn't REST until I had uncovered the true cause behind his unfortunate death. It took several hours and very finite analyzations of the clues left behind in the tank, but at last, I was able to piece together an infallible conclusion.
He died because I named him George.
There really is no other possible explanation. Look at his /name/! George the THIRD. He was the THIRD George to die in my hermit crab tank.
George the First: Dehydrated while being crab-sat by my parents, died, and was eaten by Fred.
George the Second: Molted, and was eaten by Fred.
George the Third: DIED THROUGH AN UNFORTUNATE LAPSE OF NAMING JUDGEMENT
If only I could go back to change things :( Time, you cruel mistress.
Eulogy to George:
*sob* You were loved. Everyone who knew you loved you. I will forever remember the way you would give me love pinches with your claws and how much fun we had playing hide and go seek when I tried to pick you up. And how you always put poop in your water when you were cleaning out your shell. I will miss you, and will devote myself to keeping your name alive through spreading the word of "the cursed name of George"! Fred and I will carry your memories in our hearts, and Fred will also carry out your your life memories by wearing your shell.
( end eulogy )
After all of the love that George had bestowed on my life and on my heart. I carefully took out all of his loved items... his friend Fred, his water bowl, and food dish, and his climbing tree, and grassy wall... Finally, there was just George, laying on a mound of his home soil.
I did the only thing there was left to do. I said a little prayer, vacuumed him up into the shop vac, and replaced the dirt in the tank with dog food.
Fred and I will always miss him, but now Fred will at least have the comfort of "Alpo Premium Brand" to keep him company.
Rest in Peace George.
George the Third, my biggest and most prominent hermit crab, had died a terrible and agonizing death.
I spotted the telltale signs a mile away.
Clue 1: His upside down body was lifeless next to the food dish.
Clue 2: His crabby claws lay scattered around the tank.
Clue 3: Fred, the other hermit crab, was running around with his unused shell.
Poor George III. As the knowledge of losing him chinked away little pieces of my heart, I knew I couldn't REST until I had uncovered the true cause behind his unfortunate death. It took several hours and very finite analyzations of the clues left behind in the tank, but at last, I was able to piece together an infallible conclusion.
He died because I named him George.
There really is no other possible explanation. Look at his /name/! George the THIRD. He was the THIRD George to die in my hermit crab tank.
George the First: Dehydrated while being crab-sat by my parents, died, and was eaten by Fred.
George the Second: Molted, and was eaten by Fred.
George the Third: DIED THROUGH AN UNFORTUNATE LAPSE OF NAMING JUDGEMENT
If only I could go back to change things :( Time, you cruel mistress.
Eulogy to George:
*sob* You were loved. Everyone who knew you loved you. I will forever remember the way you would give me love pinches with your claws and how much fun we had playing hide and go seek when I tried to pick you up. And how you always put poop in your water when you were cleaning out your shell. I will miss you, and will devote myself to keeping your name alive through spreading the word of "the cursed name of George"! Fred and I will carry your memories in our hearts, and Fred will also carry out your your life memories by wearing your shell.
( end eulogy )
After all of the love that George had bestowed on my life and on my heart. I carefully took out all of his loved items... his friend Fred, his water bowl, and food dish, and his climbing tree, and grassy wall... Finally, there was just George, laying on a mound of his home soil.
I did the only thing there was left to do. I said a little prayer, vacuumed him up into the shop vac, and replaced the dirt in the tank with dog food.
Fred and I will always miss him, but now Fred will at least have the comfort of "Alpo Premium Brand" to keep him company.
Rest in Peace George.
4 comments:
sounds like fred is a mighty crablord since he has defeated your other crabs in battle, you should now accept him as a full-fledged member of the family (also known as the child you will never have, due to old man ferrell's withered baby factories)
Alas, poor George. I knew him well. Actually I didn't, but I can tell by the outpouring of grief that you were well-revered amongst your compatriots, peers, and family. It is clear you were not just another washed-up shellfish, in-bred and cultivated by nefarious dreadlocked cuban exiles and sold en masse to pet stores all across the world. Nay! You were a true friend who would give his last sand-dollar to anybody in need, and never failed to lend the warmth of your shell to a less fortunate crustacean. Even now, in death, you have left all that you owned to your most venerable of friends, Fred. I only hope that you and your deeds may be remembered in the annals of history next to all the other honorable and noble George's. I salute you Sir George the III, and I have no doubt you are clacking your claws and scuttling across the whitest of sands in that great big fish tank in the Sky.
Peace go with you, George, you will be missed.
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